Well not quite. Or though if it gets the success, popularity and finally goes “main stream” as we have so desperately and expensively forced the progression of tournament ball to head for, then it might.

Well, at the least that is my conclusion. I’m not sitting here as a post modern Nostradarmus marching proudly down the road waving my red flag of impending ‘baller armaggedon. Au contrair, I love the sport/hobby/pass time whatever you would like to call it (that’s another story altogether), just the carefully and logically progressed results of the last few months investigation my company carried out. One of the most interesting exercises actually involved sitting down with another industry “bod” and having an “…and then what” conversation where we took each scenario and progressed it to the next level, which unturfed realities that many people have chosen to ignore when campaigning for the idealised Nirvana of our “sport”. In a way, that’s where it might all end; a kind of paintball heaven, where, by definition once it is reached we’re all dead…. Or rather the “sport” is.

Let me explain. A few months ago, whilst sitting with an industry “outsider” but established businessman / entrepreneur, we were discussing the implications of retail with the UK/Europe tournament paintball market. He was understandably obsessed by the “market size”, market “demographic” and our “market penetration”. These are really the staple factors for retail progression and I, and as (it turns out) many other “industry professionals” couldn’t answer many of the questions. I turn specifically to the UK tournament market as this is our home turf. Just how many people were there we could sell to? I asked many sales reps, industry friends, business owners and tournament organisers and got answers ranging from 800 “tournament players” (people who have, or do, buy their own equipment) to 5000. Ok, so nobody knew. We went away and did our sums and came up with a number just under 2000. Now in reality this isn’t really a market. It was looking as though people were expecting to spend an average £500 per annum on equipment (this is a high estimation) but even so, the UK tournament equipment market was apparently worth a whopping £1m. Now bear in mind that’s an available total turnover amongst ALL companies.

So I had got this far. I knew that I couldn’t go back to my business advisor, nor bank, nor anyone that I respected and tell them that I was selling into a market that totalled an annual turnover less than the petty cash box of a medium sized building society. I mean let’s be honest, Jordan spends more than that on Boob jobs in a year. So what was the next thing to do. Get a bigger market? Ok, no problem. How do we do this? Bring paintball to the masses. Ahh, I can see through this paper now that you’re smiling; rubbing your hands in the mere thought of paintball being televised; little Jason and Elizabeth playing a “bit of ball” in their PE lessons. Be real, let’s wise up now. Paintball is not going to make you a super star if it gets recognition, and even if it does, I’m not convinced you can ride the white horse of media coverage down to the Ferrari garage as the Warrington Wippersnappers get signed up by sky in a 2 million pound sponsorship deal. Best case, we can actually expand the market, and lets say for the UK, this involves developing the much mourned after and heavily obituarised “rec ball” market. Now, how, honestly is this going to happen? Most industry experts believe that it is through grass routes progression of the low end tournament scene. This diversification has already been seen with many series starting to offer “Newbie” level divisions for the zero to 5 previous tournaments experience group. It’s the paintball equivalent of training pants, and it’s probably looking for sponsorship from Kandoo as we speak. So what’s going to happen? The SWPL / PA / MS / S2K6 / RSPCA / NPCC or whatever is going to start with teaser sessions at school offering for them to come down and tote some tournament level equipment for a few games while they get shot in the face by some sandbagging woodsmen shortly before being asked to shell out a grand to buy the equipment to come back for some more next time. OK, over dramatisation over, but let’s go with it and say they enjoyed it. They loved it in fact and next time they are going to bring Ringo and Dingo their best skater makes from back at school. Where is next time though? This is my next dilemma. When / if you get the reception you hope for, and you manage to somehow make it cheap enough to do every week / every other week, then where do you play?

There is, and I would expect tot continue to see, a total lack of “tournament sites” set up to cater with this influx of enthusiastic raw potential. We (as an industry) have always expected the site owners and operators to take up the slack in this area.

“There’s loads of money in rec. ball” most people say in order to sway the site owners. Well, b$*lox to that. I mean sure, there might well be, but why, if I was a site owner, would I want to invest in new kit, expensive to buy and maintain new kit and land to take on this rising young, broke, dangerous and fickle market sector? I have my revenue stream and it’s not rec. paintball. Why are you trying to crowbar me into accommodating these “potential” players?

Ok, well say we get round this, and my preferred solution is to bypass the sites altogether and try and establish a network of inner and boundary city mid level sites charging on a “per hour” or casual basis. This is good, we are getting a swell in interest and finally we are getting to the masses. We have a market, and it is now a reasonable size market. All this seems feasible, the groundswell of practitioners is hitting critical mass and we are getting some coverage (assuming we have finally established a format / effective governing body / solid rule book etc). Now who is our market? The people we want involved are, and this is the crux of the point, the people who will kill paintball.

Bear in mind now, that this is a government that tried to pass a bill that outlaws anything that resembles a gun (cap guns included) short of a plastic transparent toy with a red plug in the end. The kind of thing that would have made John Wayne look like a flower arranging poofter. Now, we are expecting to establish, into this society, the society which is currently trying to outlaw airsoft guns as well, a game that fundamentally encourages you to aim and shoot a potentially blinding projectile at an opponent, sometime just inches away? Not only this, but we are trying to make them BUY and store their own guns and ammunition to do this without requirement for a licence or registration (which would of course bugger the model again) and ask them, nicely, not to cause any major infringements, accidents or be a liability to the community? I’ll let you answer that, and when you do I’ll meet you back at the title. “Tournament Paintball will eat itself”.

There are some rules about what I do. Namely these:
1) I do not steal.
2) I do not sell my organs.
3) No tax dodging.
4) No selling of family members.
5) No gun running/drug dealing/pimpomg etc.

Now, maybe these make it all a bit boring, but the way I see it? You gotta have some structure right?

I think I know how Hitler must’ve felt when he realised he was fucked. That kind of sinking feeling, a helplessness that is only present when you think things had been going so well before. Right up until now.

In all fairness, it was a bit of an ambitious project, especially to take on at a time when one shouldn’t. I mean, if that guardian angel who is supposed to be looking over me had tapped me on the shoulder at a point right back at the begging and whispered “Just nipped into the future to check it out for you Matt”, he would have followed it with a gentle shaking of the head and the wry smile you give someone to let them know of your disapproval. If that had happened I might well have been in a largely different position now to where I am. But it didn’t. The Angel was in the pub sipping a white wine spritzer and snacking on mini popadums whilst I wandered off down a path that lasted two years and left me in financial state that Enron would shudder in a fear at, a cold disappointment at my failed business and 5 steps further from my dream than when I started. At least I tried though.

So that point that it all changed. I’m not sure I can even pinpoint the day, but I know I can pinpoint that feeling. A slight feeling of invincibility and excitement, spiked with tints of fear. Or was there fear? No, now I think about it, I don’t think there was. I don’t believe there was a point at which I considered it might not all work out. That was certainly the first milestone that brought me here. The second and third were less substantial but no less significant. The second was when we realised the business was going to fail. The third was when I dreamt of my car. In reality points two and three happened in reverse order but that’s neither here nor there, I don’t believe that they were connected.

It might be prudent to work from the beginning to the present but I have found it never pays to be prudent, at least not in points of explanation so the time is now, and I’m here, on my sofa in an empty flat. Well it’s not entirely empty, there’s an un used dishwasher in the corner, cowering behind an untouched toolkit. Both are nuzzling up to the lifeless assortment of torn pants and stolen T Shirts hanging limply over the radiator, hoping it might spring to life at any second and supply them with enough warmth to dry them out. The ceiling is still artexed, waiting for its turn in the list, along with every other job in the flat, and then there’s Jamie. He’s not really waiting for his turn in the list, he’s just here. There’s a story about that too.

It’s was always an unlikely partnership at the best of times but no doubt, he’s my friend and the man I chose to work with. We cut our teeth in the industry when we met back at school some ten years ago. It’s not an industry you’re likely to have met before; trading in guns. Well, you may have heard of gun running, but this isn’t exactly the gun running you’re thinking of. If ever there were an industry on the other side of the arms trade, it was ours. Fighting to brush off the sticky tar of its association with the weekend warriors, tournament paintball was our market of choice.

On my 26th Birthday, 24th Oct 2007 I will buy myself a Ferrari. A cobalt grey one with black and silver trim It will cost me £100,000.

To do this I need to save over £50,000 per year. To do this I will need to make a lot more money than I can earn. I will need to be 100% focused on this dream. I will need to create and run businesses to make money for me. I will need to save hard.

I am prepared to give my car, my flat, 2 years of my life, my job, my possessions, my free time and my wants.

All this I will do.

M.Lindsay